May 03

I’m doing very poorly

I know everyone’s tired of me talking about how depressed I am all the time and a number of others are blue in the face from trying to give me advice and condolences and all, and while I appreciate it greatly, there’s not much anyone can do. I’ve been struggling with depression at a constant rate for six years now, and some times are better than others, but lately things have just gone way downhill and the past few days alone have really been hellish. I’m just perpetually sad, I have no energy or motivation and I don’t want to do a single thing. My life should be much further along right now than it is, which is depressing in and of itself. Yet I cannot imagine myself moving on or being happy whatsoever; it just does not seem feasible. I want to have friends and have fun, have a job and a life, and make cartoons. And when I see all these people—both friends and people I just admire from afar—making their own cartoons and going new places (it seems like a lot of people have shows and stuff in development or have just recently had a project come out), instead of becoming motivated to work at it myself, it just makes me more depressed because I honestly don’t feel like I will ever have that. And that’s just one of many things that have really taken their toll. I’m dealing with problems with family and other people as well that have just beaten my spirit down into the ground and it’s impossible to deal with anymore. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow and depending on how that goes and how I feel and what verdict we come to, it’s possible that I may go to the hospital to ensure my safety and frankly, because every other option has been exhausted. So I just wanted to get this out there, especially if something happens and I don’t get a chance to say anything. But for all I know, I could feel decent tomorrow and go back to reblogging stupid shit and then get really down in the dumps all over again a day or two later, but the cycle has to stop somewhere.

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